Feeling Special

My son has been doing Vacation Bible School this week and they are wearing him out. Last night we let them watch a show while they fell asleep in our beds, but C had forgotten her glasses upstairs in our room. I ran back up to get them (not 5 minutes later) and he was asleep. He'd moved from our bed to our futon and laid there sleeping.

It was so sweet.

He's growing up, though, and I sometimes think back to what it felt like to be the oldest sibling. It didn't feel all that special. Sure, you got to drive first, but then you ran errands with your little sister in tow. Ok, you graduated first, but then you were out working in the world first too. Well, you did have more responsibility, but that also meant you heard, "Well, you're older, you should have known better," which was never fun or useful.

I also got to sleep on the couch while my sister slept in the bed. I got to mow the lawn (this may have to do with being a boy more than older, but still). And, well, you get the point.

Now, when I think about our kids, our youngest is currently our last. Possibly our last ever, after our fourth went to be with the Father. God willing, he won't be, but for now he is. This makes him very special to us, and we baby him (sometimes too much) but we dote on him and love every little thing he does and says.

Our middle child is our only daughter. She is a Daddy's girl and I love her to death. She loves pirates and zombies and guns and Mickey Mouse and Tinker Bell. She's a handful at times and knows how to be sly and is stubborn, but she gets away with it.

A is our oldest. He's growing up so fast. He's being responsible and I can already see the wonderful man he will become one day. He's very special to us, but I sometimes fear he doesn't know how special he is to me. I guess it's probably normal, but I want him to know that he has me here for him.

This makes me think about our Lord. He doesn't always do things that continuously make me feel special, but He has done many. I am special to Him just as A is special to me (and to Him).

So how does He make me feel and know I am special? Without a need to have anyone else think it or show it to me. (Though I know my family does, they kind of have to or I'll kick them out of the house.)

Well, the answer is, He doesn't.

You may say, "What? He does too, doesn't He? What's wrong?" or something like that. Or you may say, "Yeah, He doesn't me either. Can you imagine. Why be a Christian if He won't do that?"

Well, there are two points to make, then I must return to work.

One:
He doesn't always make me feel special.Sometimes I feel pretty crappy. (Not now, but we all get depressed at times, it's NORMAL) Sometimes it doesn't feel like He knows I'm here at all.

I've realized there are many reasons this happens. Sometimes something bad just happens. When we lost our child, nothing could have made me feel special. It was a terrible, dark time. He knew that, and He knew we'd feel that. And it was OK to feel that way.

Sometimes, it's our fault too. We may do something we know is bad, or yell at someone and think we're above them, but inside we feel small and insignificant. This is normal too. Sometimes we'll feel special because of the bad thing, but it doesn't last long and we are left with a choice: Repent or Repeat.

Sometimes, it's our fault for another reason. God wants to be our Father and our Friend. This is the second point...

Two:
He wants us to spend time with Him.

I've been spending more time in the Bible recently and reading some prophecy blogs. I believe much of the Bible talks about what's happening now and that thrills me, scares me, and encourages me. He knew what would happen and He told us. Anyway, for some prophecy stuff, look at this page, my wife showed it to me and it's very good: http://bible-prophecy-today.blogspot.com

He wants us to spend time with Him. Not just sometimes, ALL OF OUR TIME. This doesn't mean we need to go become monks who read the Bible and pray and nothing else. No. He wants us to include Him in our daily lives, like He includes us in His. And like we would a friend.

Or someone who reads our blogs.

Or tweets.

He wants our time.

And there was the key. I have not been spending enough time with A. He needs more Father-Son time. He loves to play Little Big Planet and make levels (like his Daddy already) and he loves to build things. He's collecting boxes to make a robot right now.

I need to go help him with that this weekend. And maybe tonight I can help him make a level in Little Big Planet. Try to focus his creativity some, but more just spend time with him.

I'm going to do that.

Now, back to work....

I Was Going to Post...

I think He may be testing me. I started to type a blog during lunch (I'm on my lunch break at work now) and even read two chapters. Good ones to be sure. James 5 and Romans 12. They both spoke to me some, but He didn't lay anything on my heart to post, so I'm not.

This doesn't count. :)

I was typing... correction, I typed a few paragraphs (with some witty stuff, you'll have to trust me) but as I typed, I realized I was forcing it. I guess we do that sometimes. We can't get what we want when we want it, so we force it out.

I was forcing it. It wasn't Him speaking to me, and it wasn't honest. It was more like the first draft of those essays you do in Senior English during High School. Especially if you know you're already graduating, so you just type whatever drivel you can and think it's some smart take on something above most people.

Partly because you don't understand it yourself.

Well, that's what I was doing and He was like, "No. Don't write that." So I deleted it. I wanted to post about not posting, though, so I could try to get in the habit of posting regularly, but then I realized, maybe, instead of me forcing what God wants, I should let Him hijack my thoughts.

Or lack thereof.